Enrique

11 Sep, 2022

BGBNBG Posts

The first step of a journey is always the longest.
Richard Paul Evans

My milestone – the one that eluded me for so long, because of my (in)actions, was finally achieved this past Labor Day weekend 2022. To understand its significance, you’ll need some context. You’ll know how Labor Day 2021 and my aFib diagnosis are linked, and the significance of not only the milestone but an anniversary.

For time immemorial, or it seemed that way, I tries to go dry – go without alcohol. Nowadays, we have Dry January which in itself is great. Back when I made my attempts, there were no such monthly events. At any rate, my attempts inspired by epiphanies or slight moment of clarity, were short lived. At most, 2-3 weeks and I was back to the booze. As Phife from A Tribe Called Quest rapped, and was apropos, You get an E for Effort, and T for Nice Try. There were several attempts over 15+ years all with the same result. That just seemed the way it was going to be and I normalized it all.

I saw family and friends, and others, be fine with their drinking. On the surface I thought there was no issue. On occasion, I saw some take it beyond the acceptable levels of drinking…waaaaaay beyond! And I was in that camp more often than I would like to admit. I felt I functioned just fine and there’s a term for it – functioning alcoholic. Moi? No way could I possibly be the “A” word.

When I think of the word alcoholic, I have a preconceived notion of what that means. Someone downtrodden, destitute, out-of-luck, disheveled. Negative adjectives to describe a person. I wouldn’t describe myself as any of those adjectives. My reality and perception didn’t line up. I kept my appearance, but the signs were there. The frequency and amounts of my drinking increased over the years. If there was one consistent and constant in my life, it was booze and it became my identity.

Though I tried and failed often and kept up appearances, I did have relative success as a professional and reached life milestones. I was promoted in some of the companies I worked for which were given for hard work and for developing my skills. I graduated from university. Married my childhood sweetheart and love of my life. Bought a house. And have a beautiful daughter. Each of which I would consider milestone events. But alas, one milestone eluded me, and it was well within my reach. I’d proven it many, many times despite failing many, many times.

On September 13, 2021, my wife rushed me to the emergency room for rapid and sustained heart rate, between 150-175 bpm. Almost immediately after checking in, I was admitted into the ER, put through a battery of tests, hooked up to machines, and asked several questions about my medical history. After about four hours and some meds, the rapid heart rate returned to within a normal range (60-100 bpm) and the last visit of the night was from a cardiologist.

The cardiologist went over the results of my tests and long story short, he diagnosed me with atrial fibrillation, commonly referred to as aFib. His diagnosis came as a huge surprise. I felt in good health (Full Disclosure: my last physical had been over four years ago so that feeling was assumed) Yet there I was, listening to the cardiologist roll of a list of possible culprits – lack of sleep, not enough water, a lot of dark chocolate, consumption of fatty foods, excessive amounts of coffee and alcohol. Wait…what??? The last culprit, excessive amounts of alcohol, jumped out at me. All the things on the list I did or consumed in moderation. Just then and there, I had another moment of clarity – my body was now telling me something and this time I had to listen.

From that moment on, I decided to stop drinking alcohol. Just like that, my decision came about effortlessly. The decision wasn’t between reducing my consumption to acceptable levels or outright disregarding the diagnosis. Reducing my consumption was not an option at all. That was part of my failed efforts that proved I had no self-control. And disregarding the diagnosis? The stakes were, and are, too high to take that route. Diagnosed with aFib was the tipping point.

Over the next several, weeks I started to eat healthier and exercised regularly. I even schedule a physical whose result, I might add, were beyond good. I lost weight and, physically and mentally felt better than ever. And I wasn’t missing the booze, the hangovers, or the guilt. Plus, I had more scratch in my pocket because of it.

I know what you may be thinking, “it’s only been one year, buddy”. True and the possibility of a relapse is ever present and very real. But this time it feels different and it’s because of two factors – my (positive) habits and mindset. Change my story, change my reality. It’s a mantra I use often in my morning ritual and helps center me and keeps me on the right path.

For me, the right path is being present and mindful for my loved ones and understanding how my actions have consequences. Ultimately, the right path leads to BGBNBG. And as I continue my journey, I’m sure I’ll uncover other areas to reflect and ponder on. That’s what makes this journey exciting.

I’ve started my second year of sobriety and I look forward to reaching the two-year milestones and subsequent milestones. I’ll celebrate by reflecting on how far I’ve come and how I’ll continue moving in a positive direction.

Hopefully this story will resonate and inspire you towards making a positive change for yourself or loved ones.

Strive to BGBNBG!!!

Enrique

29 Aug, 2022

BGBNBG Posts

Being good can take a lot. First, good can mean different things to different people. And second, could you apply a definition and have it materialize into actual actions. Is it just one action that makes you holistically and perpetually good? Or, is it being good a sum of parts which are, in the context of BGBNBG, actions. It would be the latter of the two for me.

A sum of positive and impactful actions is more like it. Envision a mathematical equation and the different variables which make up the formula. Each variable has a different value and their value can change based on the situation and one’s capability and capacity to be good.

Defining the word ‘good’ will help us identify some key words, or variables, that we can build our “equation” to focus on actions and possibly habits. Habits we may already have or are looking to develop towards being good. So let’s go back to Memory Lane for a bit to first or second grade when we learned how to look up words. Luckily for you, I’ve done the work and looked up the word Good [ɡo͝od], and have broken out its definition by part of speech (noun, adjective, verb, etc.)

Adjective

To be desired or approved of
Having the qualities required for a particular role
Possessing or displaying moral virtue

Synonyms: fine, of high quality, up to standard, competent, excellent, exceptional, marvelous, wonderful, admirable, worthy, genuine, authentic, legitimate, potent, powerful, strong, important, meaningful

Noun

That which is morally right; righteousness.
Benefit or advantage to someone or something
The qualities required to achieve an end

Synonyms: virtue, righteousness, virtuousness, goodness, morality, ethicalness, uprightness, integrity, principle, dignity, rightness, honesty, truth, truthfulness, honor, worthiness, worth, fairness

Whichever part of speech – adjective or noun – you refer to, the definition of good is powerful. Moral virtue, exceptional, authentic, morally right. Some, if not all, of these words defining Good can set the basis towards achieving the tenet.

That four-letter word and what you do with it makes for a compelling argument to be good. It can be as simple as making someone smile, help those in need, or call someone to see how they’ve been. Selfless acts.

My dad left me with BGBNBG, nothing else to say about it but hopefully I can connect the dots starting with Good. I used the equation and the definitions as variables because we do more of some than others one day; switch it up the next; and add another act the following week. It depends what you feel needs to be in the Good equation. And the equation does need to be Beautiful Mind-like. Keep it simple.

So, how will you write your Good Equation? What “variables” will you include that will make the equation come to life? Tell me how you would use the equation by leaving a comment. I’d love to know how you plan on using the equation example.

Thanks for visiting. If you’re new to BGBNBG, hope you like what you’ve read and if you like the content, please Subscribe. And remember, Strive to BGBNBG!!!

Enrique

18 Aug, 2022

BGBNBG Posts

What does be good, noble, and generous mean? Great question and one that I hadn’t had to ponder on up until very recently. But before I attempt to answer, or at least define, what the words mean, let’s go to the origin of the term.

Growing up, my dad had advice for pretty much anything. Some, nowadays, would be considered not politically correct and I thought he was crazy for saying them (Disclaimer: I said one or two terms as a young adulthood but don’t condone either. Just saying!)

Then there were those other tidbits of advice he would offer me which I typically, and readily, dismissed. Why? You may know the cliché – smirk on the face, an air of disdain, and arrogance mixed with a know-it-all attitude. Advice? For me? No thanks! That was me but don’t get it confused. Despite that attitude, I had a high level of respect for my dad’s authority but being young, I didn’t want to hear any of his so-called advice. Let me carry on with my day, please! (Note: I never uttered those words to my dad. Remember, high level of respect).

Despite my attitude which I masked pretty well, my dad continued to offer advice. And, like Q-Tip said on a Tribe Called Quest’s Bonita Applebum, “I got a little older, a tidbit wiser”. I began hearing my dad but not yet listening. Hearing and listening are, contrary to popular belief, not interchangeable concepts. More on that later but suffice to say I was hearing my old man.

As I got older, I started drinking with him and we somehow connected. There wasn’t much he and I had in common at least not in my view but when we drank it was different.

We began to open up to each other; asked each other questions and generally just got to know each other. We delved into conversations around politics, society, literature, law (he studied to become a lawyer), and music. My ears began to pivot from hearing to listening. I gained a greater appreciation for my dad and came to know that he was a learned man; I gained more respect for him; and saw him as more than an authority figure. I saw him as someone I really admired.

On one of my visits back home from university, we had our usual pow wow in the basement. He had methodically organized his CDs into a 100-disc CD player by category – tropical music, Latin American boleros, and Latin jazz. I threw in the occasional hip-hop album like A Tribe Called Quest (see above). It was during one of these get-togethers that he said something, and this time I listened. He said, “In life you must be good, noble, and generous. That’s all you should try to be – good, noble, generous”. He said nothing else for the rest of the short time I stayed with him. And though he sprinkled those words every now and then over the years, there was nothing else.

Those words made their appearance sometime in the mid-, late-90s and it wasn’t until about 20-some odd years later that I came to recall what he said to me that night in the basement. Be good. Be noble. Be generous. That was the goal in life? Did it mean something else? Or do I have to define it for myself? Questions that I had to answer myself. My dad was diagnosed with dementia in 2019. Unbeknownst to my family and I, we believe it was much sooner that he began to develop dementia. So now I’m left to come up with my own interpretation of what is means to be good, noble, and generous.

In September 2021, I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation (aFib). AFib is an irregular and often very rapid heart rhythm (arrhythmia) that can lead to blood clots in the heart. A-fib increases the risk of stroke, heart failure and other heart-related complications(Source: Mayo Clinic) Yikes! I’m relatively young and I have aFib? My mom has it and, no disrespect to my mom, but she’s up there in age so naturally aFib is, in my mind, an older person’s medical condition. A visit to the emergency room said otherwise and I was educated that night be the attending physician. That visit and diagnosis led me to be more introspective. I had my wife and daughter to consider, and my immediate family, too.

The introspection had really begun two to three years earlier for other reasons but now it was taking on a new and urgent meaning because of the aFib. There was an earnest approach to understand so much about myself and how I could be all things to the most important people in my life because, well, you never know what could happen. And during an introspection moment, it hit me – In life you must be good, noble, and generous. That’s all you should try to be – good, noble, generous. That then became my personal battle cry. Be Good. Be Noble. Be Generous. It’s meaning? I would have to take up that task by my own actions. They wouldn’t stay as hollow words spoken one night or every so often. They had to take meaning and I was intent on doing that.

And there it is…the purpose of this blog. Not only for my own personal understanding but to be of service to others who are on their own journey to find a more purposeful life. I don’t claim to know-it-all (not anymore anyways!) but perhaps, and it’s my sincere hope, that my words and actions may be a guide not only for me but for you. Let’s see where this journey takes me, and you, to Be Good, Be Noble, Be Generous.

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Enrique

18 Aug, 2022

BGBNBG Posts

The BGBNBG blog is my ongoing personal journey to be a better person, husband, father, son, brother, friend.

The first and hardest lesson was the realization that I needed to take the proverbial first step to be good, noble, and generous.

The second hardest lesson is that most won’t understand, some will doubt, and few will support.

Whichever of those three buckets you may fall in, I hope that my words and actions can help you understand, believe, and continue to support this journey and possibly your own.